Happy New Year!

2011 has just flown by. Thinking back on all the major events that have happened this year, its really no surprise.  I can distinctly remember being in Monie's condo - I even remember exactly what I was wearing - sitting on the ottoman next to Silly saying how we couldn't believe it was already New Year's Eve.  Here we are again and I feel the same way. 

 

2011 was really a great year.  I gained a few great (and one so-so) new family members.  I made a pretty big career change.  I moved out of my condo of 12 years and bought a town house.  Monie and Rishi bought a house.  Poppy was able to convince Mom to travel with him.  Monie and Rach both got married.  My baby finally arrived - ok, Nimbu's baby.  But I still get to call her mine.  I made a few new wonderful friends.  Was able to travel a bit.  I could go on - but overall it was a really good year.

 

Someone asked me today if I was going to make any New Year's Resolutions this year.  I decided, No.  I'm not.  That's one thing that I feel like I do every year.  I generally make the same resolution as I did the previous year.  I start off well enough, but always bail on it within the first couple months of the year.  2012 warrants a change. 

 

I've already set a few lofty goals for myself for 2012.  The Rock-n-Roll Half-Marathon in March and the Half-Full Triathlon in October.  I'm already registered for both.  I created a training plan for the half marathon that I've been progressing really well on - in spite of getting the flu, bronchitis twice, and possibly a third time.  I found a "Motivation Coach" to help me with my nutrition plan.  And I've made it through the holidays without gaining any weight - in spite of getting sick again.

 

Why should I set some weight-loss goal?  I don't see a point.  I like what I'm doing.  I like my training plan.  I like my running buddies and find them to be so motivating that I've gone out and done the long runs that we had scheduled even if I was hacking up a lung or puffing on an inhaler every few minutes.  Being able to say, "Yeah.  I ran 5 miles this morning."  Its a real sense of accomplishment.  Finishing a really hard lower-body workout where I added another 50lbs to my leg press - Its a real sense of accomplishment. 

 

I think its because I planned to do it and regardless of what else was going on - busy work schedule, being stressed out, being sick, whatever - I still went and did it.  I think continuing down this path is going to make me happier than just going on a diet and dropping some weight.  Don't get me wrong, I still want that to happen.  But I'd rather it be a byproduct of my lifestyle change than being in a diet mentality.

 

I'm looking forward to 2012.  Its going to be an exciting year.  In addition to my races, I'll be celebrating my 5 year Cancerversary.  Its a pretty big deal.  Of course I'll have a party for that, but I think the best way to really celebrate it is to get back to truely enjoying an active lifestyle again.

 

Happy New Year!  May 2012 be a happy and exciting year for you!

 

In need of a little "Pick me up"

Its three days before Christmas and I feel a case of the "BLAH's" coming on.  I'm sick ... again.  If I'm not mistaken, I think I may have Bronchitis... again.  Yes, that would be the third time in 3 months.  I haven't made it to the gym all week because I've been feeling so crappy so I'm officially off of my training plan.  I got a call from my Oncologist's office a couple of days ago saying I have elevated liver enzymes - if breast cancer spreads it goes to the B's and L's (brain, bones, liver, lungs) - so they are ordering a whole slew of scans - scheduled for the 29th and 30th.  And things are work are a bit "Bleh" at the moment. 

 

Suffice it to say, I'm in need of a little pick me up.  I'm trying to come up with a few ideas to get out of the "BLAH's" and get back to being Sally Sunshine - or something closer to that side of the spectrum.

 

I've already tried retail therapy - as will be evidenced by the slew of Amazon boxes that will be arriving at my door in the next couple of days.  It wasn't a lasting happy feeling.

I went to the gun range - it felt awesome while I was there.  I'll probably try that one again.  It didn't hurt that my instructor (and every one he showed my targets to) said I was a natural.

I forced the puppy to cuddle with me.  Now I have scratch marks on my arm since she wasn't a fan.

I ate chocolate - BLEH.

I'm blogging... so-so.  Feels good to say what's on my mind.

I slept 11 hours last night - thank you NyQuil and 1/2 a percocet.

 

I have a 4 day weekend coming up and would really like to enjoy it.  Got any suggestions on what else to try to beat the BLAH's?

 

A few Christmas funnies... Since I can't end with the BLAHs...

 

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift elevator of the hotel. As the lift traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $100 bill lying on the lift's floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill, and handed it in at reception? Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist!

 

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

How can a snowman lose weight?  He waits until it gets warmer!

And for the geeks.... http://xmasfun.com/stories/NightBeforeTechnical.asp

Lessons Learned – Hopefully for the last time!

I sent this to Cancer to 5k and figured I'd post it on my blog as well...

 

You all can blame Holly for this one – since I know it's not exactly going to be short.  But she asked for it!  J

 

I have this habit of finding races that I get really excited about – several months out.  Putting together a great, overly aggressive training plan, sticking to it for a couple of weeks, and then bailing on the whole thing because life gets in the way.  But then deciding to do the race anyway because I – of course – am super woman and I can do these without any training – or back in the day when I was in shape, I could.  And I'm deluded enough to think that I still can even though I'm severely out of shape now.  That was the case with my last two races.  One ended well.  The other was a major disappointment – and the first race that I have ever attempted and not finished.

 

Let's start with the Half Full tri. 

I put together a relay team months ago – as I had last year.  This year Jenn decided to do the WHOLE thing on her own – because she *IS* super woman -  so I found a few others who wanted to do a relay.  Justin did the run and my brother in law did the bike.  We were all soo prepared on race day.

 

Leading up to the race, I thought I had learned from the previous year – do NOT swim a race in a wetsuit that you ordered online and had delivered 2 days before when there was no time to get in the water to try it out before the race.  For this year, I was going to swim in the wetsuit at least a few times to try and avoid that choking feeling that I had last year.  Not to spoil the ending, but that didn't happen. 

 

I put together a training plan that had me swimming twice a week in the couple of months leading up to the race – along with a few runs and cross training sessions each week – I did say that my plans were overly ambitious, right?  Well, to jump to the end, I made it in the pool **once** before the race.  I swam a mile, albeit quite slowly.  But since I was able to make the distance, I figured I was ok.  (Considering it was a week before the race)  And yes.  I do realize that swimming in a 20 yard indoor pool can not prepare you for an open water swim. 

 

I also ended up with the flu and bronchitis 2 weeks before the race.  I was a little nervous going to see my doctor the Thursday prior – she was going to check out my lungs and tell me if it was ok to do the race or not.  I don't think I really shared that with too many people, because I had already mentally decided that she was going to say it was ok and I was going to do the race.

 

The day before, Justin and I drove out to Columbia for packet pickup.  We met Rishi (my bro-in-law) there.  Rishi was totally on track with his training as well – he had been on his bike twice this summer.  After we finished walking around the expo and getting all our goodies, there was one last table before we walked out.  They had a special running for folks to sign up for next year's race.  $70 for either distance. 

 

Yes, you guessed it.  I'm registered for next year to do the half.  But I am determined to go back to how I trained for my very first tri back in 2002.  I started training 4 months before for a sprint.  I was disciplined, dedicated, and stuck to my plan.  It wasn't overly aggressive, it was doable and prepared me well!  I'm hoping that by telling you folks that I've signed up, I'm going to get a little social pressure and prodding to keep up with my training.  More on that later.

 

So race morning I was trying to figure out the best way to dress for the day.  It was COLD!!  Air temp was 42 when we started and the water temp was mid 60's.  COLD!!!  We made it to Centennial park when it was still dark.  Made our way to transition to get squared away.  Just enough time to eat a snack, go to the bathroom, body glide up, and get my wet suit on.  (I did try it on the night before, and luckily it still fit!!)  We found Jenn and Andrea and went down to the swim start. 

 

After a little prodding from Jenn, Rishi, Justin, and Andrea – I asked if I could start in the survivor wave.  Brain was really sweet about it.  He said since we were a relay, I couldn't but he would make sure I could next year.  – That won't be an issue, because I WILL be in the survivor wave next year… AND will have almost an hour head start!!

 

We watched Jenn start and then it was time for the relay wave.  By this time my feet were completely frozen.  When we took our first few steps in the water, it felt warm!  I thought, this won't be too bad!  Last time the cold really did me in. 

 

I started swimming and about a minute or two into it – that's when the cold really hit me.  I had to stop and tread water for a few seconds to try to get a decent breath.  I was kicking myself for not having brought my inhaler down to the water so I could have taken a few puffs before starting.  I calmed myself down and decided on 50 strokes and then pausing.  I repeated that for a while and started worrying about not making the cut off – the swim cutoff was 50 minutes.  I had done 47 in the pool.  I still felt like my wetsuit was choking me, the cold was kicking my butt, I was psyching myself out mentally, but then I saw one person in a red cap (the wave before me) swimming right next to me.  And I realized I wasn't last.  That totally helped!  I stayed with this guy for most of the swim and passed him close to the end.  I had WAY too much negative talk going on in my head and it really made me realize that had I trained for this even half as much as I had planned, I would have had a lot more confidence and a lot less trying to psych myself out.

 

I did make it to the finish.  I thought I did pretty horribly.  I felt like I was really slow.  I took too many pauses to try to catch my breath.  I had to walk most of the way up to transition.  And when I got there, all but 4 relay teams were already out on the bike.  I've been dead last in a race before, but this felt worse.  I think it was because I knew I could have done better if I had just done the training I was supposed to do.

 

My time ended up being 40 minutes – which shocked the hell out of me.  I'm happy with the time, but I think I've learned my lesson on winging it. 

 

The day turned out to be pretty great though!  Rishi finished the bike in just over 4 hours – in spite of his chain popping several times.  Justin rocked the run – he had been out till 4am the night before celebrating his birthday.  I picked him up at 5am.  And his pace for the half marathon was just around 7 minutes.  Don't you just hate ppl like that?  J  I got to cheer for Jenn on the run – she looked like a rockstar!!  And I ended up winning the raffle for the Half Full Tri Oakley's!  How cool was that?

 

So on to the next weekend and another race I was ill prepared for.  This one has a disappointing end. 

 

I was looking forward to Army 10 miler since last year's race.  My one goal was to finish the race feeling strong.  I had started working my training plan and had worked up to the 6 mile run about 6 weeks before the race.  The next day I had planned a 4 mile run – I died after 2 and really didn't run again after that.  But again, I felt like I could still make it through the race.  I modified my goal to just finish and beat the bridge.  To beat the bridge, you have to maintain a 15 minute pace – something I knew I could do.  I was a little iffy about being able to run much after 6ish miles, but the cutoff is right after the 5 mile mark so I knew I could still make the cut off.

 

Race morning things really weren't going according to plan.  My sister forgot her race number at home – she thought she lost it on the metro.  Rishi wasn't too keen on running since he had hurt his knee playing racquetball the day before and really hadn't trained much.  So he gave her his race number and tried to go back and find her's – that's when they figured out she left it at home.  I had registered a team of 8 – we were down to 5.  I lost Monica on the metro – it was insane trying to get there.  Lost my sister and Dad getting off the metro.  I found Alex by the bag check and ran into Jenn, her Dad, and Justin.  Our team was supposed to meet at the water table past security.  It took Alex and I almost 30 minutes to finally get to the port-a-pot's so we were 25 minutes late to the meeting point and as expected, everyone else had already gone to the start line.

 

The race apparently started late.  I didn't realize this.  This matters because the bridge cutoff doesn't change so being in the last wave you now have less than 15 min/mile to get to the cutoff point.  The first few miles I started off slow and easy.  I hadn't run in weeks, so just needed to see how it felt.  I was feeling pretty good and felt like I could pick up the pace after that so I did.  Mile 1 – 14:33.  Mile 2 – 15:12.  Mile 3 – 14:52. 

 

Mile 4 was apparently my best mile.  I realized I was just on pace to make the cutoff so I wanted to pick it up a little to make sure I'd make it.  Mile 4 – 13:24.

 

At this point I had to go to the bathroom again.  I thought I was ok to make a pit stop – now I'm not really sure it would have mattered if I hadn't stopped.  Mile 5 – including a rest room stop was 15:51. 

 

I picked up the pace a little bit after this because I knew I was close to the cutoff point.  I can't even explain how deflated I was when I got to the cutoff and saw that they were already redirecting people to the shorter route.  Mile 6 – 14:20.

 

I think this is when I just gave up.  I couldn't get out of my head.  I was pissed off!  This is when my feet, knees, hips, everything started hurting.  I ended up walking a lot more than my 4/2 intervals.  I just didn't care and couldn't stop being pissed off at myself.  Mile 7 – 16:47.  Mile 8 – 16:45.  The total distance was 8.2 miles and my time was 2:06.

 

What did I learn from this? 

1-      I can't do a 10 miler without training for it – and probably shouldn't attempt one either.

2-      If I had trained, I know my pace would have been at least a minute/minute and a half faster and I think that would have made all the difference.  Not to mention I would have argued with the folks redirecting and insisted that I be allowed to finish since I was well within the pace I needed to be.

3-      I need to pay attention to start times.  If the race has a late start, I need to know that so I can adjust my expectations – vs getting pissed off and just giving up.

4-      I did 8.2 miles and that is WAY more than I had done in the past few weeks.  So even though I didn't finish, I should still be proud of what I *did* do.

 

So to continue with the insanity that is my nature… I signed up for my first half marathon in March.  I think I've finally learned that I can't just wing races anymore.  Whether it's a 5k, a 10 miler, or a triathlon.  Maybe its age, maybe it's the fact that I'm no longer in shape, or maybe I'm just getting a little smarter.  But I'm done doing races without any training.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still me.  I'm not saying that I'm going to pass on a race if I haven't totally stuck to my training plan.  I'm just saying that I'm going to pass if I've done absolutely *NO* training – my body can't handle it and neither can my ego.

 

So here's to next year.  I'm celebrating my 5 year Cancerversary by pushing my limits.  The Half Marathon is the week of my birthday – I'm taking Holly's Birthday Celebration idea.  And the Half Full tri is right around my 5 year bilat mastectomy anniversary – Am I doing this with Jenn?  J  (I love you!!)  I *WILL* be training for my races.  And I *WILL* finish both of them.

 

I need to vent

I'm so frustrated today that I'm having a seriously hard time concentrating.  So I'm going to vent, get it out, take a breath, so I can focus and get back to work.

 

So yesterday I was in cleaning mode.  I was determined to get the first floor put together.  No.  I didn't succeed.  I got derailed.  I want to keep this short, so I'll just give you the highlights.

 

I found a large pile of unopened mail that I hadn't gotten to yet.  No this is not unusual for me.  When I finally got to the point of opening all the mail and sorting it, I found a letter from the DMV.  I needed to provide proof that I was insured on July 13th, 2011.  If I didn't provide that proof by August 24th, my license would be suspended.  First of all, what kind of a stupid asinine request is that???  Do you know how many people drive without insurance?  And what is so damn special about July 13th??  Do you care if I'm insured for the rest of the 364 days in the year?  You can imagine how pissed at myself I was to have found this letter on August 28th - 4 days after I'd already been suspended.  So I was up till 2am getting the info I needed from Geico so that I had it to call the DMV in the morning.  (And yes, I also caught up on all my bills.  Some I had no idea how much was due so I just sent a large payment so it was ontime and done for now.)

 

So after sleeping well after 2am, this is how I started my day... I woke up to people sending me requests to do things, they *had* to be done by 10 am, but no one was providing me the info I needed to do them or enough info for me to figure out who to go to in order to get it done.  Chemo has decided it is fine for her to pee on the carpet even when I'm home, I've put out pee pads, and she has a damn doggie door.  So she got yelled at and spanked this morning.

 

Just being in the super pissy mood that I was in, I ended up having one of those individual cups of Edy's ice cream for breakfast with cake icing.  Not cake.  Just the damn icing.  I don't even LIKE icing!?!?  I can't even take my meds because that isn't real food and I always end up getting nauseous and getting sick when I take my meds on an empty stomach.

 

I'm starting to calm down and venting is definitely helping.  The work stuff is just getting resolved.  I called the DMV.  They are so sweet and allow me to do all this by phone.  (sarcastic)  Its not their fault that I didn't get their first notice of this (because it was my fault that I didn't file a change of address with them within 30 days of moving) and they can't waive the $145 reinstatement fee.  So I provided them the policy number for my insurance (which they already had), paid the fee, and did a change of address.  so this is now resolved.  But does anyone else think this is just beyond stupid and ridiculous?!?!?

 

I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes and got even more pissed because I had to mostly walk instead of being able to run.  That's what I get for not being regular with it.

 

So what else can I do to screw up my life a little more right now?  Got any suggestions?

Time to Over-Share!

Here's your chance to get to know WAY more about me than you ever wanted to! Ok, well maybe not your *only* chance since I love my soap-box and love to chronicle (some) aspects of my life as I have been doing for the past 4-5 years now.

Over-Share #1 –

Yes, there is a little bit of a cancer update. So I had a checkup with Dr. Wilkinson a week ago. Routine checkup, just part of the follow up procedures for the clinical trial that I finished last year. She said a couple of things that stuck with me. So I'm not sure where I had heard this, but I thought someone had told me that my tumor characteristics were known for recurring way down the line vs within 5 years. She said that is totally not true. So the 5 year mark is a HUGE milestone. I make it past that and my risk of recurrence seriously drops! Dunno how much it drops, and I honestly don't care. But it drops!! By A LOT!! Can we say I was a little happy hearing that and I'm already thinking about what I want to do to celebrate. And yes. In case you were wondering, a big party and some body-art is involved - it's in the design stage!

Over-Share #2 –

Part of that same appointment, but I can't lump BLEH news with happy news, so I had to separate it out. So as I knew, chemo could have thrown me into early menopause – but it didn't. But once I get there, which she says will be a lot sooner than most, we'll need to have the conversation about removing my ovaries since I have a random BRCA-2 mutation. And while she said it wasn't out of the question for me to have kids, apparently it's a huge risk. So good that it's not completely out of the question, but blah that it would be such a risk if I decided to go that route. So maybe the fact that I had decided a couple of years ago not to go there wasn't such a bad thing to have gotten my head around.

Over-Share #3 –

I'm trying to date again – albeit very unsuccessfully. I put up a profile on Match and can I just say, DATING SUCKS!!! If you ever get to the point of feeling really good about yourself and having a slightly decent ego – get on one of these dating sites. It will deflate it in 10 seconds flat. Maybe I need to get a few more dogs so I can be the "Crazy Dog Lady".

Over-Share #4 –

I'm having a reconstruction revision in a few months. I went back and forth about this – I'm not happy, but it's totally superficial to get it fixed, blah blah blah. Bottom line, I'm not happy. So I'm getting a revision. Wanna hear something funny? J My surgeon and I went to kindergarten together! Yeah, think about that one. I'm seriously amused about it, but very happy with my choice.

Ok. Well, I'm done over-sharing. Now I'll tell you about my house! My shoe shrine is nearly complete! I say nearly, because no shrine is complete without special lighting! But it houses 45 pairs of shoes. I know. You are thinking, "But Jess, what about your other 33 pairs?" I'm still deciding where their new homes will be – but no. Of course I'm not downsizing! That's just a dumb idea. I'm glad you weren't even thinking that. J

Well, this is long enough. I need to start getting ready for bed so that I can get up on time and get my run in tomorrow morning. Wish me luck on getting up on time and getting out the door! It's one of the things I need to work on - being consistent with my workouts and diet. One day I'll be great, the next just awful. It's a work in progress. So tomorrow, I'm hoping for great. I'm off to bed… a few thoughts to leave you with.


_______________


- What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

- Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say "Are you gonna drink that?"

So proud of myself!

I'm seriously on a high today with what I've done!  A few weeks ago I put together a training plan to keep me on track to be able to do Army 10 Miler in October.  But this time feel good doing it, know I'm going to finish, and be able to enjoy it.

 

So today a 4 mile run was on the schedule.  Monie and I did 4.11 this morning.  Granted it was super slow.  But this is my first week back to training so I'm ok with that! 

 

After that I got to meet Baby Leo.  Can we say, WHAT A CUITE?!?!  He's time, adorable, and a squirmy little monkey!  Very excited for Tara and Brian!

 

Next on the list was yet another trip to my fav store in the whole world - Home Depot!  (No.  Not DSW.  Btw - yesterday I went to DSW and bought NOTHING!?!?  Could you even imagine such a day would come??  I couldn't!)  So I went to Home Depot to get a sprinkler so I could easily water my new lawn - aka the sod that I put down myself yesterday!  I also needed to get tips on how to remove those three pieces of wood that they use to support a shelf in a closet.  It needs to come down so that the shoe shrine can go up!  Yesterday I just about gave up on being able to do it myself, today... SUCCESS!!!  I'm waiting for my spackel to dry so that I can sand, paint, and put up my shelves!  Oh, and I needed to shorten the tracks - metal.  So I pulled out my hacksaw and cut them ALL-BY-MY-SELF!

 

I also re-seeded the backyard, but that's minor compared to everything else.  I'm really getting into my new house!  I love it!  I'm no where near unpacked yet.  But I'm slowly getting there.  I have hat I need setup and usable, the rest will all come in time - I'm hoping within the next 2 weeks! 

 

Well, I'm off to put on another coat of spackle and then give the piglet a MUCH needed bath.  Can we say SMELLY little puppy?  Oh, and in prep for bath time, I will put up a curtain rod and curtains in my guest bath.  Getting stuff done is awesome!  I'll post a picture of the completed shoe shrine when its done!  Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

 

___

 

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

 

People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

My "Change" post revisited...

A few weeks ago I had posted about some major life changes that were in the works.  Well, I'm ready to share a couple of them.

 

Yes, you guessed it!  I'm joining a convent and moving to Yemen.  I leave on Monday.  Its been nice knowng you all, Peace Out!

 

Ok.  So maybe nothing *that* dramatic.  One of the changes was work related.  I was looking to change projects or if that wasn't working out, change jobs.  I found a great opportunity within Accenture that I started this week.  So this means no more flying to Columbus!  (I'm pretty stoked about not having to get on a plane every week or every other week!)  I'll be in Baltimore a few days a week and in VA a few days a week.  Its a great opportunity and I'm excited about it!

 

Next on my adventure list - I'm going to Scotland and Spain next week!  Scotland is a family trip - seriously looking forward to it!  And then I'm going to jet off to Barcelona for a few days on my own.  Now if I would just go make some hotel reservations, I'd be good to go!  I'm really excited to blog about fun travel - ya know the reason I originally started blogging!

 

And probably the biggest change of all - I had to save the best for last!  After almost 12 years in my condo, I'm moving.  :)  No, not somewhere as far as Yemen.  But I'm headed all the way over to the other side of Falls Church!  I may have mentioned to some of you that I had started looking at townhouses and was thinking about potentially making a move.  Well, on Monday its becoming a reality!  I settle on Monday morning and then move immediately afterwards. 

 

While I'm so amazingly excited about this, its also a little bittersweet.  I've lived in my condo longer than I've lived anywhere my whole life - including when I was growing up.  I'm so ridiculously attached to this place, not to mention all the "stuff" I've accumulated, its hard packing and planning my move.  But then I remember that my little piglet will be getting a yard and a doggie door and that makes it all better (not to mention the AWESOME kitchen and sweet-ass soaking tub that I'm getting)!

 

This is a good and exciting change!  A seriously hectic week - yes, that means I move on Monday, work in B-more a few days, and leave on my trip Friday - definitely hectic, but super exciting! 

 

So anyway, here's to new beginnings, adventure, and exciting changes!

Survivor Harbor 4 miler Race Report

Like Colleen, I'd like to start off by saying CONGRATS to everyone who did the race on Sunday.  I absolutely adore our group and find every one of you to be so inspirational ... from Alex - finishing first in his age group, to Jessica - the ROCKSTAR chic who was determined to do the race in spite of having a "little" thing like a liver transplant a couple of months ago.  You all are... well, inspirational!  And to all of the volunteers who come out for races and practices to give their time and support - you all are phenomenal people!! 

 

And I'd like to give a special thanks to my AMAZING sherpas - Coach Bob and Monica!  I would not have been able to SMOKE my goal if it wasn't for you guys!  (And Coach Bob even learned a few things on Sunday - like which guys Monica and I found drool worthy and what the rating scale is.  No worries if you forget, we'll give you a refresher next season!)

 

A little history from last year - as some of you read in my e-mails last week to Coach Bob - I was psyching myself out.  Last year I had the same 3 races in 10 days schedule.  I did great at both Race for the Cure and Capital Crescent.  But then at Survivor Harbor - I died.  I was doing the 4 miler with my (now) brother-in-law, Rishi.  We started off jogging.  About 6 or 7 minutes into the race I had to bail on my intervals and just walk.  My knees were killing me, the heat was brutal, and I just couldn't do it.  To say that I was pissed off would be an understatement.  Which is why this year I had to prove to myself that I could do this race.  So THANK YOU for pairing me up with my sherpas for Sunday!!

 

For once in the 4 years since I met Coach Bob, I followed his instructions EXACTLY.  (Its just not something I do very well)  He said no to the run on Thursday - so I relaxed.  He said ONLY do 30 min of 3 min walk/2 min jog on Friday - so I did just that.  He said to add some carbs into my diet - I added some whole grains and some fruit.  **MAYBE** there is something to this whole listening to someone who has WAY more experience thing.  :-)  I may have to try that again. (I may be a slow learner, but eventually I get there!)

 

He also said that I should start out with the goal interval/pace that I had in mind and we'd reevaluate as the race went on if necessary.  So I kept my goal of doing 4 and 2's and getting under a 14 minute pace. 

 

I woke up a little late and wasn't completely ready when Monica knocked on my door at 4:45am.  But we made it out the door a little bit before 5 to go pick up Justin.  Had a pretty relaxing drive to Baltimore and made it there in plenty of time for packet pickup, bathroom breaks, chatting with the team, etc.  I had a protein shake in the morning and a banana a little bit before race start.  We all paired up in our runner/sherpa pairs and headed down to the start line. 

 

The race start was SOO much better this year than last year!  Whoever decided to get rid of the shuttle to that god awful parking lot where we started last time, is a genius!  The race started on a slight up hill.  Coach Bob and Monica reminded me to go easy with short and quick strides to get up the hill.  I was out of breath by the time we got to the top, but slowed my breathing and finished the interval.  The first few intervals felt really good.  I felt like we were going at a good pace.  I wasn't pushing it too much - whenever I was having a hard time talking and pointing out the wonderful eye candy along the route Coach Bob and Monica would get me to slow down a bit.  It just felt good. 

 

Initially I kept looking at my watch, but Coach Bob got me to break that habit.  (Well, at least for the race.)  We got to mile marker 1 and I REALLY wanted to know our time.  I resisted asking, but Coach told me that we were well under my goal pace and I had plenty of time to play with.  It was around here that we ran into Cindy and Phyllis.  Cindy was running with Craig and Phyllis was running with Jenn.  The three of us ended up leap frogging each other pretty much till the end of the race.

 

So this was kind of a big deal for me.  In all the previous Cancer to 5k seasons, I've always been in a "pace group" by my self.  Or you could say WAY behind everyone.  This year I've really tried to get more consistent with my running, I think the weight loss is helping, and my time/pace is definitely improving.  This was my first race where I got to be around other team members.  That was a pretty amazing feeling. 

 

So things were looking pretty good from mile 1 to mile 3.  I brought my water bottle with me so I was able to keep drinking through out.  They had cold wet towels somewhere near mile 2 - definitely helped because the sun was getting pretty fierce.  Once we got to mile marker 3 I felt like I was about to start fading - and that's when Coach Bob said that they were going to start pushing me.  We picked up the pace a little bit on both the run and walk intervals.  I have to admit, if I was by myself for this race - this is when I'd start taking an extra minute walk and slowing the runs down.  So now that I know I **can** push it even when I'm feeling like that... well, no excuses for next time!  Plus Coach Bob assured me that he's never had a runner die from a race.  :-P

 

The end of the race was pretty hard.  I had to give my water bottle to Monica.  I felt like I had no energy.  I kept on thinking the finish was JUST around the next corner, but then there was always another turn.  And then we finally saw that last one.  Once it came into view my watch beeped signaling a walk interval.  Coach Bob and Monica said - Nope!  So we kept on running.  They picked a few sets of runner not too far in front of us to pass.  Every time we'd pass one of them I'd hear Monica say, "Smoked em!" 

 

Another big deal for me - passing people!  My sister can tell you how frustrated I got when we did the Komen 3 day and a woman pushing someone in a wheelchair passed me!!  Talk about a MASSIVE ego killer.  So passing people, well, it just gives me a serious thrill!

 

And then there was the finish line.  We definitely picked up the pace a little for that last stretch across the mats!  I was out of breath and felt like I was going to puke - but I didn't.  :)  But it was all worth it when I saw our time.  53:27  I had to beat 56 minutes to beat my 14 min goal pace.  Jenn and Craig said the course was actually 4.17 miles and their average paces were 12:59 and 13:10 so that means that I was just under a 13 minute pace.  Can we say that I SMOKED my goal?  :)

 

My goal for October was going to be a sub 13 minute pace.  I may have to change that to a sub 12 or maybe even 11 min pace!!  I'll see where I am when the time comes. 

 

All in all - I had a FABULOUS day!!  A big CONGRATS and THANK YOU to all my awesome team mates and my fellow volunteers!!  And an extra special one to Monica and Coach Bob!! 

 

Looking forward to seeing you all at the social runs!  :)

Bread!! I have missed you!!!

So I finally realized - after a friendly reminder about why I had no energy for my runs - that I can't be on a practically no carb diet when I'm trying to run races.  I just don't have the energy.  The diet plan that I'm doing offers an "Alternative" program that allows a little big of good carbs for ppl who are exercising. 

 

I switched to it today!  Pure Bliss!!

 

Bread,
you rise
from flour,
water
and fire.
Dense or light,
flattened or round.
How simple
you are, bread,
and how profound!

 

(No.  I dind't write that.  That's an excerpt from Pablo Neruda's Ode to Bread)  But its so appropriate.  If I were poetic enough, I'd write a love poem to bread.  Toasted, drizzled with olive oil.  Topped with juicy beefsteak tomatoes and a light dusting of parmasean cheese.  Mmmmm....

 

Now I get to have fruit.  Can I say that I LOVE the alternative program?  I haven't had bread and fruit in about 3 months.  I can't wait to indulge in a sweet and juicy bowl of cherries.  I think the time to do that is now...

 

Its all about the cancer sports!

First of all, what an amazing weekend!  And the best part is that it isn't even over yet.  I still have one more day!

 

This is a slightly crazy time of year for the cancer sports.  Its our annual Learn to Row weekend for my rowing team (WeCanRow DC) and its the weekend before our target race for my running team (Cancer to 5k).  What a great and exciting time of year! 

 

Learn to Row was pretty fabulous!  I got to meet an amazing new group of women.  I actually felt like I could help out and know what I was doing rather than being a total newbie.  I loved reconnecting with the returning ladies who I haven't seen since last year.  I got a pretty major tan, a slight sun burn, and I'm dehydrated in spite of drinking over 5L of water today - but I just had a WONDERFUL day.  It felt amazing to get back on the water again.  We ended up needing all of the volunteers to row today so we could take out 3 shells - a mix of novices and volunteers in each.  I hadn't been on the water since last summer when I had to stop going to the weekend rowing program.  Today made me realize that I need to go back!  In spite of not having rowed in a year, it really felt great to be out there!  And I think I did all right!

 

On Saturday morning I had a great run with Erika and Colleen!  I get to run with Erika at the Capital Crescent 5k next Sunday.  I'm excited!!!  First of all, it will be great to run with her!  Holly is coming back to be here for race day!!  And I finally get to make the official transition (in my mind) from a Cancer to 5k participant to a volunteer!!!

 

LOL!  But I'm not beyond accepting support for Survivor Harbor the following weekend.  I'm doing the 4 miler.  Jenn and Colleen are planning of having a Sherpa for me - totally needed!  I need to run that course vs having to walk the whole thing like I had to do last year.  I know!  Lots going on!

 

So its kind of been an action packed week and the week to come will be as well!  Last week I interviewed for a role on a different project.  Its not like anything I've directly done before, but I think I could do it well and learn a lot!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm a better fit for the role than the other person/people they spoke with!  (Either way, I'll find out the week of the 6th.)  Then we had the Learn to Row this weekend.  Next weekend is DC Race for the Cure on Saturday, Cancer to 5k's target race - Capital Crescent on Sunday.  A couple of exciting appointments for me on 6/6 - part of the changes that fall into the "to be shared later" category.  And Survivor Harbor the following weekend.   

 

This has the makings of a pretty fabulous summer!  Just need to get a couple of things sorted out and I'll be a happy camper!

 

A few thought provoking thoughts...

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

 

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Change

Its time for change.  Change is refreshing.  Its necessary.  Its stressful and nerve wracking, but its happy and exhilarating at the same time.

 

I have a lot of change coming in my life - a lot of it will be major life-altering change for me.  I'm not ready to share the details quite yet.  But I have to say, I'm scared s*#!-less.  I'm sure I'll get to the point of being giddy and excited soon, but right now I'm stressed and frustrated.  I hate being in limbo, I hate uncertainty.  I want to know that everything is going to work out the way that I'm hoping it will.  I want to skip the messy bits.

 

I know, I know.  Knowing everything that's coming takes the excitement out of life.  Blah Blah Blah.  But not knowing if things will work out or how they will work out is driving me nuts.

 

I'll be sure to let you know about some of those major life-altering changes once they get sorted out.  But for now, I'll share some of the other changes in my life. 

- I'm changing my blog. 

Coach Bob mentioned at practice on Saturday that I hadn't blogged in several months.  I've been feeling like if I don't have a cancer update, there's no point in blogging.  My blog morphed from a travel-log to a cancer-log.  Dr. Hetelekidis told me some time ago (while I was in the middle of radiation and having a particularly bad self pity party) that right then if my life was a book, cancer would have been the title. Eventually, it would become a chapter.  Some time later, a paragraph.  And eventually, just a foot note.  I think its become a relatively small chapter now.  I just had my 4th Cancerversary and do you know what I spent the day focusing on?  The moron who gave me non-existent highlights.  Finding a place to get a facial.  Getting my list of errands done.  Getting a run in.  It wasn't intentional.  I wasn't actively trying *not* to think about it.  It was just an enjoyable day off.  Back to my blog.  I enjoy blogging.  I like having my soap box.  So I'm taking it back.  My blog is back to being about me living my life.

 

- I'm changing the things about me that I'm not happy with.

As any of you who have recently tried to go out to dinner with me can attest to, I'm seriously annoying.  Even more so than I was before.  *smile*  I'm a woman on a mission - and a seriously restrictive diet.  I'm excited about how I'm doing (aside from the occasional pity party induced slip up) and I'm excited to stick with it.  This is not something that I'm going to be changing anytime soon.  (ie. getting off my diet)  I'm not happy with how unhealthy I've become, so I'm changing it.  There are a few other things that I'm also not happy with, so I've put the wheels in motion to change them as well.  (The details fall under the category of stuff that I'm not sharing yet.)

 

Argh!  Those are the only 2 changes that I can share right now.  LOL!  I know, I'm a tease.  But I promise to share the rest as soon as I can.  Keep your fingers crossed for me and hope that they turn out the way I'm hoping they turn out - or better!  Regardless, once they are sorted - one way or another - I'll share.

 

A few thoughts I liked ...

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

"Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it"

"Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine."

"To change one's life, start immediately, do it flamboyantly, no exceptions."

Merry Christmas!

I have no idea what it is about Christmas, but it just makes me happy.  Kind of like when the leaves turn colors in the fall.  Thinking about planning my Thanksgiving dinner.  My puppy climbing onto my lap to snuggle - without me forcing her to.  And my birthday month.  All things that are just happy and put a smile on my face. 

 

I was looking at my Christmas tree a few days ago and it looked sad - no presents under it.  Now, so not the case!  Presents under it and all around it.  Its a happy little tree!  (And its pink!)

 

Yes, I know it seems like I'm just babbling right now.  But something you may or may not have noticed, the last several months, whenever I've posted it has been because I was unhappy, something was pissing me off, or I just needed to rant about something.  I've thought about posting quite a few times in the past month or so - but all of them were moments when I was in a negative or pissy mood.  I think its fine to use my blog for both happy and not so happy posts, but can we say ... balance? 

 

So even though Thanksgiving is past and this is a pretty Thanksgiving-y thing, I'm going to share a few things from this year that have made me really happy.

- I finished Army 10 miler.  (So many caveats to add, but I won't.  I did the whole race and I'm pretty damn proud of my finisher medal!)

- Karim's last set of scans showed a positive result!!

- Monie and I took our very first (and I don't think last) vacation - just the two of us.

- As you may or may not know, I've had 2 fires in my condo in the last couple of weeks.  No one was hurt and there was no real damage - other than to the appliance that died.

- At the beginning of the year, I had VERY optimistically set a goal to run a 10 miler and do a 1 mile swim.  I did both of them this year.

- I finished the Neratinib clinical trial ... and for the past 3 weeks, I've been medicine free!!  (aside from the occasional Advil for a headache or tooth ache.  :-P) 

 

There are plenty more.  But I just wanted to share a few.  Just wanted to say that while there are plenty of things that suck and are complaint worthy, there are many more things to be happy about.

 

Have a Merry Christmas!  :)

Self pity

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life.

It's odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you.

I'm working on getting out of a self pity mood.  I'm in one.  And I know it's completely selfish – or at least it feels completely selfish.  I feel like it's selfish for me to sit here and talk about how things happening to people in my world are affecting me.  It's obviously affecting them *much* more than me – yet I'm the one sitting here feeling like I can't handle any more of this. 

I think it's just a fact of life that bad things happen to good people – but enough is enough!  Take sickness for example.  Have you ever heard someone say, "He/She is a really crappy person.  They deserved to get sick."  I definitely haven't.  It's always happening to someone who's a good person. Someone who doesn't deserve it.

If someone gets in an accident with a drunk driver – it's always the innocent victim that dies or gets maimed.  The drunk guy usually walks away without a scratch.

I feel like the people in my world – good, wonderful people – are just getting a seriously sucky deal.  And I'm tired of it!  When does my world start seeing the sunshine and rainbows – or whatever you think of that goes along with happy stuff?  If life is supposed to be balanced, then where's the positive side of the balance?  When do we get to see that side?

I'm having a really tough time trying to express what I want to say tonight.  I think it's because I'm just pissed.  I'm sick and tired of one bad thing happening after another.  And on top of all that, I feel like a selfish whiney ungrateful brat for being the one who is venting about it all.

I know that I have no right to be in a self pity mood when the ppl who are dealing with the "crap" are dealing with it in such a positive way.  I'm in awe of their ability to stay positive and genuinely feel that way.  I just wish that I could get back to actually trying to be happy – rather than plastering a fake smile on my face and trying to "fake it till I make it" – or until the next crisis hits that get me completely unraveled and devoid of any positivity.

Yes I know this is a totally negative post.  Its just where I am right now.  Pissed.  Confused.  Angry.  Sad.  Guilty.  One day I'll learn to deal with "life" better.  Today is not that day.

But still… that damn Sally Sunshine in me still needs to end with something funny. Actual advertisements:

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The Sunday Night Blahs...

Its Sunday evening and I'm in the process of getting ready to go to Ohio tomorrow morning.  Can't say Sunday nights are something I look forward to.  But then again, I really don't know anyone who does look forward to them.  (Does this mean that something about me just may be normal?? Shocker!)

 

So what am I feeling a little blah about today?  (other than having to travel?)

- I still haven't gotten into a rhythm with my nutrtion and exercise while I travel.  I've gained a little weight - 6.5 lbs.  Its frustrating that I had a schedule down when I was in town.  And I'm using the travel as an excuse for not having figured one out yet.

- The person I was venting about in my last post was actually fired.  There was another incident of inappropriateness involving this person, me and another woman I work with.  We did make a formal complaint and found out that the individual was already scheduled to be let go.  A little disconcerting.  But the reason its on my blah list is that I've been asked to write up a statement for this person's file.  I've been procrastinating on this one since Thursday.  I know I have to do it, I just don't want to.

- I'm getting back into the weekly tests and dr appts again.  I had to see my primary care Dr. this past week because of a few non-normal things that were going on.  I'm adding to my med list.  Had blood work done and have orders for some more tests at FFX Radiology.  Not to mention the Echo and EKG I already have scheduled for next Friday.  I know this stuff is just a fact of my life, but it sucks.  I know.  I know.  Suck it up and deal with it.  But this is my stage to complain and whine when I feel like it, so I'm going to.  I was feeling pretty good for a while there because my Dr. appts seemed to be getting more and more spread out.  But the next few weeks, there is something going on each week.  Like the last minute appt last week, the tests next week, the follow-up with my Oncologist for my trial the following week, and then another reconstruction step the following week, then follow-ups for that, and then we'll be at the point for my next set of scans.  This stuff is just never ending.  (or so it seems because I'm feeling BLAH and I'm dwelling on it.)

- Last week I found out about someone recurring and someone passing.

 

So, what am I going to do to get out of this funk? Well, I tried shoe shopping.  It did put me on a high for a little bit - but it didn't last.  Hopefully, when my next batch comes in, the high will last a little longer since I'm pretty sure I'm keeping all of those.  And I'm returning one of the pairs that I bought in my first binge.  What else am I going to try?

- I'm going to put together an exercise plan for this week so I can get myself back on track.

- I'm going to start planning that vacation I keep saying I need to take, but haven't booked yet.

- I'm going to make a list of the things that I really want right now and prioritize which one(s) I'm going to tackle first - and then figure out what steps I need to take to get there.

- And I'm staring back on happy pills because I can already feel myself starting to get back into a long-term funk and I can't handle another one of those.

 

Let's start with that.  And see how it goes. 

 

Ok.  I better go have some dinner and then get cracking with my to-do list for tonight.  Wouldn't it be nice to get to bed ontime tonight too?  :)  Here's hoping!

Have a good week!

A little creeped out...

I've had a pretty annoying day.  I think its relatively safe to say that work isn't very fun these days.  Its frustrating and annoying.  I just love how unresponsive people are.  How I need to ask for things 17 times before someone will bother to respond and say I need a few weeks to get that for you because I don't have the 30 seconds it would take to do it right now.  And when I finally get a response, its incomplete and frustrating to try and track down the rest of the request.

Safe to say, this is a pretty frustrating environment.

So my enjoyment or reprieve each day is to drink lots and lots of yummy hazelnut coffee.  There is this nice coffee shop close to my office - I don't even have to walk outside to get there.  The people are nice and friendly - or most of them are.  The coffee is reasonably priced.  And its just a great 12 minute break from my frustrating day.

Today I went to go get my coffee.  I had to go by myself because my coffee buddy had a meeting to attend.  The security guard - who always addresses me by my first name - started chatting with me.  I thought nothing of it.  I'm pretty friendly and will generally talk to anyone.  After chatting for a little bit, I was having a hard time ending the conversation and walking away.  It felt a tiny bit creepy.  Then I asked him his name.  He showed me his badge.  I can't even tell you how creeped out I was.  I recognized the name as some random person who had tried to friend me on facebook 3-4 weeks ago.  I declined because I had no clue who it was.

Does this strike you as being odd?  Inappropriate??  Creepy??? Stalkerish???? I was PISSED!!  I don't have a choice but to share my name with these people since they have to check my badge when I go in and out of our building area.  But is that fair for him/them to be able to use my personal information like that??? 

The next two times that I had to leave the building and walk through security, I felt so ridiculously uncomfortable.  I don't know if he does this with all the people he "meets" this way, a few, or if I'm being singled out.  I know he doesn't address my co-workers, even the female ones by their first names.  And I know for damned sure that I'm not going to be friendly or talk to the security guards again. 

Isn't it sad that even if you want to be friendly - just to be friendly, you can't because of people like this?